I can’t help it.  Logically, I know that nothing I did caused my post partum uterine rupture.  However, I just can’t help but wonder if…  I hadn’t stretched myself walking so far so fast.  Was that pain I felt after my first 2 mile jaunt, the first indication of my incision being too weak?  Did the doctor make a mistake?  Was it the yoga (Joelle called it ‘yougurt’)?  Maybe it was the situps.  Or, perhaps sleeping on my tummy.  What was it that stressed that incision so much? 

I just don’t want something else to go wrong.  Obviously, my uterus can’t rupture again, but I don’t know what all is broken inside.  I’m scared to do anything, but crave to be where I was 2 weeks ago before this all happened. 

I certainly don’t want Joelle to go through any more stress.  I still marvel at how brave she was to tell her entire class at ‘show n tell’ that her mommie had been taken away by an ambulance to the hospital.  Frankly, I’m proud of her.  That took a lot of courage and I know she used their reactions as a poll to decide how upset about all this she should be.  Can you imagine being four and having 6 big men come in your house to haul away your mommie?  Goodness, I hope this isn’t her first memory!  We work so hard as parents to create wonderful fun times and then a tragedy comes and wrecks all your sweetly laid plans.

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