September 2006


Feel free to add to this collection, but these are some we found in our baby book:

Bradley (for a girl???)

Jette

Walda

Walker (again, for a girl!?)

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My first reaction was elation. I may regret it later, but I really wanted another baby girl. In my heart I knew I wanted another baby girl because when I would notice baby girls out and about, I would get a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. A sad feeling knowing that I’d never get to have a baby girl again and I just felt like I didn’t appreciate Joelle enough when she was first born.

My second reaction was worry for Chris. Did he want a boy?? His first statement was, “I’m a good girl daddy.” I know he initially wanted another girl as well, but all this talk over boys made him start to get ready for a boy. Yes, I had already bought boy clothes. I think I was just preparing myself.

Our little baby girl was holding on to her toes today. It was pretty cute to see. Her long elegant spine was about the only thing I could consistantly spot, but the sonogram specialist looked at everything in great depth.

* The overwhelmingly most common way most waiters ask if you’d like dessert. We were asked this tonight and after a slight delay and noticing that all were indicating that we were full, Joelle responded, “I’m saving room for dessert!”


* Mommie: “Joelle, why do you pull your hair down straight in your face.” Joelle: “because I do.”

* We always know when Joelle has been to the bathroom. She comes back with her arms all soaped up and her hair slicked down.

[Picture courtsey of Art.com]

This weekend, while shopping in Galveston with 3 of my girlfriends, I found an atomizer spray that Evian makes.  I had no idea they still sold it and hadn’t seen one since Chris gave me a travel size in Greece.  I wish I could remember why he gave it to me – it’s been too long.  I do, however, still remember how sweet it was.  It wasn’t the first nice thing he had done, but it really made an impact on me.  I took it back with me to Houston and kept it.  I think I still have the bottle, empty for a long time now.  It could have met an undeserved demise in the moving flurry…

Anyway, Chris pointed out that it was #123 in a long series of chance occurences that united us together.  Another example would be the shoes I bought in Greece.  I had bought one too many things and Chris volunteered to take them back to Houston for me.  Without that reason to have to see him when we got back, who knows, we may have lost that spark that was just starting to ignite. 

After 12 years, I decided to return the favor and bought Chris a bottle of the spray.  Maybe he should give it to his Dad, he took it from his travel supplies before embarking to Greece that summer!  I’d like to think we’d still be together with or without that seemingly insignficant gift, but who knows how tiny events will ultimately effect fate. 

Perhaps, it was the 72 hour marathon of no sleep, the pain in having to sit up, or the utter frustration over breast feeding, but I distinctly remember confessing this to my mom: “I liked my life better before.” It was a difficult time for me, but I have never lost the guilt of having said that. I think it likely goes without saying, but my life wouldn’t be complete without that little Chickadee who caused so much havoc when she first came into this world. My greatest fear in life is losing either Joelle or Chris. I can’t decide which would be worse.

Four years later, I find myself nostalgic about how our life is now. I’m getting very sentimental and emotional about the “three of us.” Once the new baby is here, it’ll never be the three of us again. These strange feelings of nostalgia sneak up on me at very peculiar times in my life. One might think that I’m just not good with change, but that isn’t it. I had absolutely zero remorse or sadness when I left Chris and I’s first apartment or our first house. No sad feelings at all. I don’t even recall being sad about leaving college. I do remember being torn up for weeks about my dad selling a white van that we used to take family trips on. (The funny part about that story is that the person who bought it ended up being a plumber who worked on my best friend’s house for weeks on their new bathroom. So, I got to visit with the van a few extra weeks.) I also recall being upset over my brother leaving his apartment on Routh street! Why?!

So, I find myself unable to exactly pinpoint why I’m feeling so emotional about losing life the way it is now. I hesitated to write this post because I do feel guilty over having said that awful thing after Joelle was born (what will people think of me?), but I know that once I meet the new baby all these feelings will evaporate because my feelings of frustration and unhappiness after Joelle was born did melt away. This is my way of telling myself it’ll all be ok.

For some reason, whenever I see something about Miami I hear part of Will Smith’s song Miami in my head…”Welcome to Miami…Bienvenido a Miami”. During one of Joelle’s video sessions I showed it to her and she liked it. When we were at my parents’ house she was pretending that her dolls were living all over the world. I mentioned that one could live in Miami. My mom immediately said (to the tune of the Will Smith song), “Welcome to Miami” and Danny followed without missing a beat “Bienvenido a Miami”. Runs in the family, I guess. That night Joelle slides on her knees and says “I love this town!” (which Will Smith does at the end of the video).

There was an adorable baby at the restaurant tonight. I commented on how sweet and good she was. Obviously, hoping to myself that I’d have such a baby in a few months.

The baby hadn’t made a peep the whole time we were there…apparently until I walked past on my way to the bathroom. Babies sense me… and cry! The Petie Aura. Chris said, “We’ll tell the new baby you’re Aunt Petie.”

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