Today, running little errands with mom for some piddly items – new hanging pots and pillows, we saw a little boy who was walking in the parking lot. Yes, the parking lot. No mom in sight, my mother and I commented on how disgusting it was to let your kid wander around. I spotted him trying to go in the store we’d just come from and assumed his mom was in there. (Yes, I still assume mom vs. dad – they may be out there, but I just don’t see many stay-at-home dads.) As we backed out the car, the boy did not enter the store. He continued down the sidewalk, passing lots of folks and lots of stores. Finally, I pulled my car back into a parking spot with my mom watching my own child to find out where the heck his mom was. One other lady was attracted to the scene. Out of all those bystanders that he passed, only she and I stopped. We tried to find out where his mommie was but he was only 3 or 4, so he couldn’t communicate well. He continued skipping around the corner with us trailing and found his mom. He had walked around the entire shopping complex. I, on the other hand, had momentarily panicked 10 minutes previous when Joelle walked behind some display at the store we were in. I do not let her leave my sight.

That little boy has been in my thoughts since finding him meandering towards a possibly disastrous outcome. It brings me to the question, “Who is a good mommie?” I think that few would argue that this woman is NOT a good mommie. However, who really is a good one? I chastise myself all the time for not being the best I can be. My number one fault, of course, is my temper. I do have a lot of patience, but once that patience is soaked up, whoa. I just lose it. I will say that I have not and never plan to hit my child. My anger is shown through my voice and even little Joelle raises her voice when she gets angry at me now. This is why I care so much and do judge myself all the time. Thankfully, Chris thinks I’m the best – he really said that. He said out of all the moms his met, I’m the best. I know he is partly obliged to tell me this, but I thank him none the less. I used to be so self conscious about how I looked – now, that doesn’t matter as much to me. I care more for how good of a mommie I am – I doubt myself because it’s so important.